stuck on a rock

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I’m stuck! Help me!!

The thing is, my little friend Buddy, you aren’t really stuck.  You got up there; you tippy-toed through the water and climbed up on your perch, tail wagging and smiling until you realized where you are.  In the middle –  surrounded by – feeling abandoned and helpless.

The only thing worse than the feeling of being stuck with your feet in metaphorical quicksand as you struggle to move, to make decisions is to watch someone you care about struggle with being stuck.

But…. we’re human and terribly imperfect klutzy beings so we laugh.

When I was seven years old I decided to climb the huge cherry tree in our front yard in Oregon City.  I climbed, and I climbed.  Oh, I was a nimble little monkey scooting out on a big branch and surveying the yard from my lofty perch as I gorged on plump Ranier cherries. Then the lightening bolt of terror hit me. Suddenly the fun drained out of my adventure and I was paralyzed with fear and couldn’t move. I couldn’t scoot back to the trunk and shimmy down; I could only sit on the branch and hang on with sweaty palms. I yelled at my big brother to go get Dad to help me.  Of course big brother laughed and my moment was saved from time immemorial only because we didn’t have the ability to snap pics and text them to our network of friends. Dad eventually came out and all he had to do was lift up his arms and hold me as I slid off the branch which was barely above his head. To hold me in his arms until the panic subsided and he set me off on my next adventure full of confidence to climb again when I found the next tree to explore.

Being stuck is so much a state of mind; in a tree or on a rock, and the best we can do is offer arms to catch and hold long enough to set us free.

The swift water rescue team is on the way Buddy, as soon as your Mom stops sending me pics of you stranded on your rock and wades in to get you.

 

 

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broken things and the hummingbird

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As I moved the table to sweep behind it this morning, it fell apart.  The legs separated like they were too weary to stand and the side piece fell out.  I was upset and tried to put its legs back to where they belonged and get them to stay there so I could provide first aid and mend it.

Why was I so upset? After all, it’s kind of regular little table. My son recently bought a house that has two matching tables left in a pile of other discarded stuff in the garage.  I said to him “hey those match my table.  You should take them in and use them.”  He said “nah, I don’t really like them.

This little table was left in the first house we bought and with little to no money for extra furniture, I spent hours stripping the turquoise paint and sanding it to turn it into a useable table. It’s come along to every house and home with us for 30 years like an old friend.

It’s not a big deal; just something broken to be fixed.

A change of scene took me outside to water my flowers for some nurturing zen- in- the- flower- garden time.  I know that the hose connection leaks.  I’m reminded every time I drag the hose clear down to the road to reach the farthest hanging baskets as the hose spurts, gurgles and squirts water out of the joint.  And yes, I have tightened it and tightened it and tightened it complete with new washer in it.  I need a new hose, yup.

As I pull the hose and stretch to reach the hanging baskets, the leaky joint took direct aim at the front my  shirt and with a fountain now having graduated from a single squirt, it got me full on.

In the seconds as I looked down and grabbed the hose to yank it away, a tiny blue-green hummingbird darted in and hovered  six inches in front of me in the spray of water.  I stood still and didn’t move and watched the delicate tiny bird play.  It darted to the flowers and back several times returning to hover in the droplets of water. I stood there as background for hummingbird play until it darted off to whereever hummingbirds dart off to.

Heading back up to the house, dragging the hose and dripping wet I smiled.  It’s not always about what’s wrong; what’s broken.  Sometimes, it’s just about what’s right.

 

 

 

for you, for Mother’s Day

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We all have people special to us; closer in some ways than if by blood with the family last name.  A couple of weeks ago I had a journey with my “daughter-ish” person who holds a dear place in my heart.

Perhaps being family is more than the signed registry and wedding ring.

Perhaps being family is more than supporting each other through raising a young man we are so proud of.

Perhaps being family is more than sharing the love of a little fat dog.

Perhaps being family is more than the obligatory Mother’s Day phone call.

Perhaps being family is sharing delight in finding the things that warm our hearts…..or our privates, as we wander through vintage shops together.

I am blessed.

from the passenger side window

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I feel like I’ve spent the past five weeks looking out the passenger side window at the world.  I’m not used to having to ask for help or what’s worse, needing help. And I’ve had to call up my Mother’s words “Susie, be gracious” rather than growl at the helpfulness of those around me.

The great thing about a broken leg is that it heals.  The not so great thing is that it takes time, crutches, walking boot casts and learning to navigate……not so great.  As I say to people who sympathetically look at me “it’s just not as much fun as it looks”.

My first week back at work (which in hindsight was at least a week too early) I hobbled out on my crutches with my armpits on fire – because well…… using crutches was a new experience for more than my legs – to my car parked conveniently in front of my office. My car parked in what had turned into a melted, then frozen, then melted  and frozen again lumpy mess of snow/slush/ice four feet wide and curb deep. Not to discount my terror of falling on the ice yet again since that’s how I ended up in this situation,  I was ready to cry until one of my colleagues basically lurch-carried me across the moat and tucked me in the driver’s seat of my car. (It’s the left leg – so I can drive 🙂

Every day until a week ago when I got off my crutches my colleagues escorted me out. Even when I said “nah, I’m ok”. The same colleagues who grabbed my coffee and carried it to my desk.  “Susie, be gracious.”

And shopping? My Daughter-ish person shopped for me and found me an awesome backpack since I discovered a dangling purse was more of a hazard than a convenience. Mark has been doing the grocery shopping and I’m liking the variety and sometimes surprises I find in the fridge. It sounds weird, but it’s hard to give up the control of being the one who buys the food but it’s been the good part of the whole experience.  I did have to tell him “no more Pecan pie since my fitness level consists of lurching around from place to place which I don’t think burns Pecan pie calories very well.

All in all, it’s been a real struggle and makes me more than thankful for usual good health.  I’ve been bored not able to do much and while I’m at work, it’s really very hard – which I won’t admit – because my leg hurts.

Mostly I feel like I’ve been looking out at the world, not able to do much in it and missing inspiration. Mostly it’s been a time of trying my patience with so much.  Mostly it’s been a time of gratefulness for the amazing support of family and friends even when I get a little growly.

And being grateful is good. There’s some inspiration for me.

 

 

 

those 5 things this week

  1. Rushing along on the way to work when it’s 27 below muttering “it’s damned cold, it’s damned cold” doesn’t make it any less slippery on the sidewalk.

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2.  When all you can do is rest, the famous Hudson’s Bay blanket is the best! Thanks, Bear and Mark for planning ahead with the gift at Christmas. IMG_0818 2.JPG

3.  Having a friend who’s happy to snooze the day away in the sunbeams with me while I mend…….priceless
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4.  The Ninja transformation of crutches is in the works……spring loaded spikes! Yeah, go big or go home. By the way, it only takes one time to touch the aluminum crutches out in the cold without gloves.  Kind like the kiss of liquid nitrogen.

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and ……5.  People are awesome!  From a husband who cooks the best poached eggs in the world and vacuums far better than I ever do to colleagues who have become pretty special in our short time together, and notes from all over to just a whole lot of caring. Makes me smile through the pain. Thanks, guys.

 

Saturday afternoon walking

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The snow has stopped and the plow and grader have been by plowing the end of our driveway in.  We head out and climb over the smallish mountain of snow for our first walk in a week and what a magnificent day to be outside! So much to sniff and see!

As we head around the corner from the house we see a lynx cross the road right in front of us.  It trekked into the woods and stopped just long enough to look at us and tease Jasmine for being on a leash and not able to chase him.  Then he trudged off to look for the neighbour’s chickens or maybe some rabbits out enjoying the sunshine. IMG_4266.jpg

A shiny black raven did a fly by low enough to turn his head and look at us as if to say ” nice day for a walk, eh?” because of course, he’s a Canadian raven.

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We followed our shadows for a while; not able to catch up as we crunched in the snow that sparkled like diamonds. My transition lenses darkened probably to the max with the bright light but I still marvelled at the amazing blue sky made all the more so highlighted with the snow.  It’s the kind of blue my Dad used to say was the colour of infinity.  I hope he’s up there surrounded by the blue he so loved. IMG_4369.JPG

The trail of a jet long passed by made me momentarily long to be away.  Just someplace away. Then Jasmine turned to me with her big Borzoi-ish smile and said “thanks for the great walk!” and I’m right where I belong walking with my girl on a beautiful Saturday afternoon.IMG_4368.JPG

the past month or so

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I’m back this month, but I needed a break in January.  Needed it bad.

Lots of people do because basically January sucks…..because……

  • the novelty of living in snow country is pretty much old news and slipping on the ice hiding under the snow is a bitch
  • nothing good on TV to watch and the local theatre clearly doesn’t pay attention to award-winning movies
  • the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party of politics south of our border (that doesn’t have a wall and doesn’t need one) is making me weary with basically a new reality every single day based on the whims of the man with little hands and less respect for the truth
  • I’m ensnared and yet helpless in watching someone want to die which is a very, very terrible thing
  • 20 below celsius is just plain nasty
  • this whole deafness thing is just plain nasty and I’m frustrated
  • this whole “ate too many Christmas cookies” muffin top thing is just plain nasty

Yup, not sorry to see January gone but I survived by emersing myself in home, family and a good place to go to work everyday.

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And now, I look forward to spring coming.  The days are getting long enough to go for walks with  Jasmine after work and not worry about meeting a lynx or other critter in the dark.  And although this weekend brought a foot or so of fresh snow, it will shrink with a few sunny days.

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Into February I go; booked a trip to San Diego next month to feel some “no snow”, booked a new test for my hearing stuff, stopped gobbling cookies to lose the muffin top and am remembering to laugh and love.  Even when it’s hard sometimes.

Thanks, Pipy the parrot for illustrating the month for me. You make me smile.