I remember a conversation with a friend when I said “I just don’t know where I fit” and the response was “well, right here. That’s where”.  This past few months since leaving the teams I was working with, it’s been a bit of a stress and pressure and an overwhelming feeling that I have to find a new “fit”.

Any time there’s a big change we struggle to find a place that doesn’t bind or pinch or slosh around like an overfilled wading pool. Maybe the fit is in our perspective of our here and now.  Maybe it’s ok to step back and change perspective.

A walk in the Ancient Forest near my house is healing and inspiring. Offering a note to be taken that today is a tiny piece of everything; that it’s ok to just breathe and be.



smells like a wet dog in here


I flicked the light on at the top of the stairs and got about two steps down towards the basement before I yelled “the basement is flooded!”.  And just to be sure I ran down and stood on the bottom step looking at stuff floating around in 5 inches of water.   Continue reading

footprint from my Buddy


As I went out to warm my car up this morning, I noticed the footprints beside the door.  About the size of a loonie (that’s a Canadian coin for those of you from afar), the prints were made when Buddy came for a sleepover the other night.

Now, I’m not a “small dog person”.  I leave the Pekingese and Yorkies to those who prefer purse dogs to sled dogs, but who knows how love works.  Continue reading

it’s me not you, and I’m leaving


Dear Winter,

As I looked at the fresh bruises on my elbow and knee this morning from our last tussle, I made the hard decision that I want to leave. Well, not leave as in forever, but I think we should see other people, you know, take a break from each other for a while.  Continue reading

dead frog in the rental car


Remember the creepy stories about customers taking off in their rental car and having a HUGE snake fall from under the dash where it had been hiding.  Or the HUGE snake that was curled up in the engine compartment.  Or the HUGE snake that was sleeping in the trunk?  Well, I do because that is just the creepiest thing to me.  Confirms that yes, the monsters in the closet were real, that yes, the bogeyman is out there and yes, all kinds of fearful stuff is out there waiting to get at us. Continue reading

Saturday with Hazel and Liz and flower drum song


Dear Hazel,

Wow, like you were so nice to everyone this morning….. on your best behaviour some might say because you are PRETENDING it’s your birthday because they brought you a cake.   But the real one is Tuesday, I’m pretty sure – first criminal appearance day – somehow fitting? Maybe dementia is kicking in and making you this way?  It’s scaring me – what if it rubs off on me and I become nice?

Oh I know a neat thing tho….during a moment of extreme boredom I turned on the old movie channel and found “Flower Drum Song” – I saw it like 30 million years ago and it was my favourite movie in my little 12 year old mind along with the requisite Sound of Music at that time.  I still remembered all the songs from Flower Drum and joyfully sang along with “Chop Suey, Chop Suey”…… and then feeling all maudlin over everything.  All I needed to do was read some Steinbeck to really put me over the edge.  I’m convinced it wasn’t Flower Drum Song tho, it’s really my hair. Need to go blonde again.

Sign me melancholy for flower drums,


… be continued


squirrel moments


I had a friend, and I say “had” because things happen and friendships fall by the wayside. Anyway, the legacy this friendship left me with is the mandate, assignment, duty to, and enjoyment of finding squirrel moments.  In fact, this friend used to say “send me one thing from your day” and it was eye-opening to see the small and sometimes large things to share. Continue reading